16-05-2022, 04:29 PM
@jp liz v1 I can very much relate to your feelings of regret. Maybe if it wasn't that particular thing it would be something else, such is the strangeness of grief. Try to keep in mind that you did what you were able to do and your dad knew that you loved him.
The days leading up to Mam's death were weird because she could go at any time and I live in a different county. So the nurses would ring in the early hours to let me know if there was further deterioration. The day before she passed I had told them to not do that and instead ring me when she had passed. I wasn't there with her for her final hours. In my darker moments I feel I failed her in life and in death.
So I need to hold on to what I know with certainty. That I didn't have the capacity to be there. I'm a great one for believing that there are times when we need to show up, need to put our stuff aside and be present. Yet when it came to myself emotionally I just didn't have it in me Liz and that's ok. It has to be. We do what we can x
The days leading up to Mam's death were weird because she could go at any time and I live in a different county. So the nurses would ring in the early hours to let me know if there was further deterioration. The day before she passed I had told them to not do that and instead ring me when she had passed. I wasn't there with her for her final hours. In my darker moments I feel I failed her in life and in death.
So I need to hold on to what I know with certainty. That I didn't have the capacity to be there. I'm a great one for believing that there are times when we need to show up, need to put our stuff aside and be present. Yet when it came to myself emotionally I just didn't have it in me Liz and that's ok. It has to be. We do what we can x